Space-Age Polymers

We return you to your regularly scheduled programming...of nothing.

2009-06-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

For the scant souls who inquired (bless you)...I have been using (abusing) this blog for a school project and had to lock the 5 or 6 people that blog rolled or (ha) read it out.

SO, what up?

SICK AS FUCK

2008-10-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

The title accurately reflects the current physical state of the author. My head feels like it's full of ectoplasm...sloshing to and fro between sinus cavities, ears, and then dripdripdripping down the back of my throat. Mucinex, Sudafed (the realshit, the kind Cletus and Earlyne make Meth out of), and Kryptonian antibiotics are the weapons of choice for the good ol' meatship.

What does this have to do with movies/pop culture? I started watching Buffy from Season 1. I kinda watched it as I could during it's run and some here and there in syndication, but have never seen every ep in order so forth and so on. It's funny watching the first few eps, because Whedon's voice isn't quite as established. Or maybe, his actors hadn't figured out how to make it sound colloquial yet? I've always pegged Xander as the Whedon surrogate and he's the worst offender. I mean, later it all works out but it's interesting watching it stumble around.

Where Buffy never falters AT ALL. And I will go to work on you with a baseball bat laden with railroad spikes if you disagree. Joss Whedon knows from hot chicks. Oh my god, just about every stripe, from adorable (Willow) to spontaneous pants igniters (Cordelia) is wonderfully represented. I'm almost too distracted by Charisma Carpenter to even follow the plot.

The one thing I just can't fully commit to wrt Buffy is the awful vampire design/make-up. I don't get the allure of these Klingon vampires. I'm more of a Near Dark, less-is-more vampire guy. And on that note, check this shit out:

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN

The Epic Fail of

2008-10-02T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a total sucker for superheroics. In fact, I have such a deep reservoir of nostalgia for them I tend to relax some of my critical faculties and let some supershit slide. The past 10 years or so has seen a superhero renaissance, from films to cartoons (sadly comics themselves are still content to live in the intellectual ghetto) to television. In general the stories are more complex, for better or worse darker, and they're not seen as genre garbage anymore since Spider-Man webbed up billions. Compare Justice League Unlimited to Superfriends, much more sophisticated storytelling. Even a piece of shit like Smallville has more going on dramatically than say Wonder Woman or The Incredible Hulk of TV yore. Well, the girls are cuter anyways.

Which brings me to NBC's primetime take on superpowered folk, HEROES. After watching the first three episodes of this current (3rd) season, I have to abandon ship. I really wanted to like show. I watched the first season on dvd, and relatively enjoyed it. My thinking was, yes, there's some terrible plot fuckery, abysmal acting, and seemingly no internal logic...BUT...at it's core it's an interesting take on the genre. What if real people all of a sudden had special abilities? And through the 1st season and the second the showrunners proceeded to take the "real people" out of that equation and replace them with convenient plot cyphers who betray any logic or established character traits to serve an ever murkier larger arc.

What's even more frustrating is that, usually, there's one or two good moments! And up until this season, the character of Sylar (a serial killer/cannibal who takes powers from other supers by eating their brains) was great. Of course, this aspect of his character has been totally expunged and he's inexplicably turning "good"(or not...who knows...but he doesn't eat brains and that's a dealbreaker!).

I don't even mind that the creators are cribbing from mainstream comic lore. Watchmen, X-Men and others being recontextualized for a mainstream tv viewing audience doesn't bother me at all. But they don't honor those stories by giving them any dramatic weight. There are currently TWO characters that can time travel AT WILL. And there have been more than a handful of moments where they pop into the future see some global disaster and come back to the present to fix it. This has happened more than once (and is happening again this season). Yet, one of the characters won't go back in time 10 MINUTES to stop a badguy from getting some all-important Maguffin because of some half-assed "not messing with the past" ideology. That is just one example, the show is littered with stuff like that.

So, watching the last episode, I became aware that it just wasn't fun to watch anymore. It's tedious to watch these people do incredibly stupid things over and over with no rhyme or reason, underscored by one of the most ham-fisted narrations in the history of ham-fisted narration (it rarely makes any sense with what's happening on-screen, btw). Basically, I think people continuing to watch this are watching superhero porn. It's just a bunch of non-sequitur superheroics with no deeper cultural/critical value: PORN.

(PS: One uniformly great thing about HEROES, that I'd be remiss in not mentioning is Tim Sale's artwork used throughout the show. Simple, classic, elegant. See above.)

The Godfather Restoration

2008-10-01T05:47:00.001-07:00

This hit the street last week, but it's taken me a few days to go over it. The Godfather Restoration Blu-Ray just may be the title to warrant dropping (at least) $500 on a PS3/stand-alone player. One thing that's always concerned me about this shift to pristine digital clarity is the elimination of classic films textural quality. Film grain is to cinema what brushstrokes are to painting. Physical evidence of the creative, chemical process. This set achieves a perfect level of appeasement by rendering a faithful transfer, but not polishing to the point of obscuring it's age.
The films themselves are in a perpetual cycle of discovery and review. It seems every new generation of filmmonger comes upon them and falls in love. The Godfather films are truly an integral part of our American culture. So, suffice it to say, they're really fucking good. And, you know what, Part 3 isn't as bad as you remember. Yeah, Sofia Coppola is ill-equipped to be the emotional fulcrum of the movie. But it's still as operatic as it's predecessors. I love that Michael is so thoroughly chewed-up.
Critically, the most amazing take on The Godfather is how it's one of the greatest examples of a film being better than the book. The book is trashy. I mean, there's an entire pointless subplot about a woman's vaginal reconstruction surgery, for Christ's sake! Ick. Moreso, it's not about anything. Coppola went all alchemical and turned shit into gold. It's THEE lesson screenwriters should learn about adaptation.
There's a bounty of new supplements (all in HD, which is nice) and I think I'll post something later on about them.
NPR nerds: Sarah Vowell appears quite a bit talking about her particular affinity for the films. SO SMITTEN.

Feast on FRINGE

2008-09-25T04:55:00.000-07:00

So, being a major fan of LOST (and FELICITY, I won't lie) I was down for some new JJ Abrams. Bring on writers du jour Kurtzman and Orci, mix in Denethor, and some Anthony Michael Hall-less weird science and voila: FRINGE.

The premise: Agent Dunham, an FBI liason (the way Lance Reddick says "lee-aye-ZOHN" is hilarious), to the Department of Homeland Security is drafted to investigate a reoccuring pattern (or The Pattern in official descriptions) of incidences of "fringe science". This includeds strange bio-weapons (the pilot has people's skin turning clear and melting into a gelatinous ooze), artificial advanced aging, cloning, teleportation. Oh and Blair Brown plays a cyborg. Agent Dunham recruits the scientist who purportedly advanced a lot of this science and is now batshit insane for it. That's John Noble. And being he must be supervised for release from the cracker factory, enter his estranged son, Pacey from Dawson Creek. Who is some kind of supergenius like his pops. Or something...

The recurring complaint is it's a rip of The X-Files. And on paper, that's a fairly reasonable diss. Except in reality it plays like everyone is actually awake. Sorry, I was never fan of The X-Files. I found it hilariously dour and self-important. Even down to the way it was filmed: drab, drab, drab. I know it was shot Canada, so that couldn't be helped, but still! Fringe is so alarmingly emotional it could easily keel over into a melodrama-induced coma. But so far, it hasn't. There's humor and deeper sense of playfulness with the scenarios. Take the opener of the pilot: a planeful of passengers are infected with an airborne contaminate and skin starts melting, people are screaming, and a guys jaw falls off. I was immediately in love. When our loveable mad scientist Denethor proposes Agent Dunham take an overdose of acid in a sensory-deprivation tank in order to communicate with her comatose lover...how can you not be in for THAT?

So far the show hasn't crossed that line from good to great. It's doing it's legwork. And I can see it happening. also, knowing television (on FOX, esp.) it may never get there.

The first 3 episodes are on Hulu (free of charge).

Michael Beck DID thrill me in The Warriors!

2008-09-23T06:54:00.001-07:00

I love this movie. And the soundtrack gets constant play on my iPod. ELO and obligatory Don Bluth animated sequence FTW!

Movie Meme 4: The Curse of Merchan

2008-09-23T06:53:00.001-07:00

Drug trafficker George tagged me. Shouldn't you be tagging an overpass somewhere?

- Which actor do you think hasn’t gotten the attention he/she deserves?
God, I don't know how to answer this. I mean, the nature of the question assumes that actors don't have much control over their careers and are at the whims of a fickle audience. To some extent, that's true...but ultimately an actor is responsible for his/her own choices. The Rock is a perfect example. He's not being swept by the way side into the family film ghetto...he's INTENTIONALLY selling himself as a brand for that market. I read a recent interview with him and he seemed to have the uncanny ability to speak in marketing lingo. Mr Rock has chosen commerce over art, so don't waste any tears. But anyways...that's not my answer. I would like the old Nicolas Cage back. While he gets plenty of attention...it's the wrong kind. I don't know what happened, but I'd like Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, Vampire's Kiss Cage back. I imagine he's got a bottom line to satisfy with employees and whatnot, but man, give The Coens a call. Finagle a way into Ridley Scott's orbit. Stop taking Jon Turtletaubs's calls.

- What is your favorite movie line?
Han Solo: "...I know."
No matter how much tarnish stains Star Wars that line still works. Two little words lift that movie up far above what it deserves.

What are the absolute worst movies you’ve ever seen?
I've gotten pretty good at not seeing bad movies. However, I knew it could either be wonderful or 10 car pile-up but i saw it anyway...ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. Easily the shittiest movie I'd seen in years. And it's an actual affront to The Beatles music to have it used so sloppily and literally. Here's to Zombie John Lennon coming back for vengeance.

- What is your biggest guilty pleasure movie - the one you’re ashamed you enjoy?
If I like it, I like it, and that means it's good. I've got no shame, James.

Francis: 1999-2008

2008-06-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

Spike Lee's Miracle at St Anna

2008-06-14T13:23:00.001-07:00

As far as I'm concerned, Spike Lee is one of the best filmmakers, I mean like, top 5 of all time. The man is a national treasure.

His latest looks incredible:

Miracle at St. Anna

O RLY?

2008-06-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

It's official(ish). Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. My criteria for a decent president is the opposite for most people. I want a President who would never drink a beer with you. And I'm so glad he isn't older than America itself. I've heard of recent email forwards warning of the dire consequences of electing Obama. Serious evidence of him being a Muslim, the Antichrist, and quite possibly a dracula. Here's the best reply:

SPOILERS: Rambo kills this guy.

2008-06-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

I was against seeing this movie just on general principle. I mean, we're actively in a war where real people are dying and I'm not interested in getting jerked-off at the movies (metaphorically) about how great war is and aren't we lucky we have sociopaths that are willing to do it. But, I've always been fascinated by the character of John Rambo. First Blood is decidedly anti-war. Rambo isn't heroic, he's a broken shell of a human being. He's the living embodiment of what Vietnam did to a generation of soldiers. Rambo: First Blood Part 2, could also be titled 'Vietnam 2'. It's one long masturbatory, revenge fantasy. It's also so fucking boring. I cannot belabor this point enough: wanton violence without any direct effect on character is dull. Rambo hacking, shooting, exploding prop people for 90 minutes is like watching one of those stunt shows at an amusement park. Rambo 3 is hilarious in it's now historical proper context. Rambo teams up with the Taliban (and the forbears of Al Qaeda) to fight the Soviets. WAY 2 GO, USA!

20 years later and Sylvester Stallone is seeking some new relevancy. He brought Rocky full circle in Rocky Balboa with arguable success. Time to use that formula with his most famous character. The 4th Rambo movie (cryptically titled Rambo) begins with Mr. Rambo living in Thailand catching snakes (hit self over head with symbolism here) when a group of the dopiest Christian Missionaries (to be fair, there really isn't any other kind) want Rambo to ferry them up river into Burma to aid oppressed people there. And holy fuck are these people oppressed. Forced to run across landmines, shot up into hamburger, fed to pigs, and the Evil General is also a pedophile, in case you missed that they are EEEEVIL. Not that the Burmese government aren't a terrible regime, but this is cartoonish.

To it's credit, there isn't an ounce of narrative fat on this thing. It's 80-something minutes of setup and payoff. I mean, I'm not willing to watch it again to confirm, but I think this is a 2 act film. Where I was concerned I wouldn't be able to stomach the poltics, that's the least of the problems. It's thunderingly stupid to boot. Awful dialogue. No characters (except for Rambo...and I'm not sure he counts). The much touted violence is some of the worst CG I've ever seen. A character exploding into CG blood? Yep! A CG arrow comes out of a face? YESSIR! I'm certain this is how it got an R...it all looks too fucking fake. But worse than that, it's all in service to...nothing. Rambo realizes he's a Tool of War and he accepts this. What a hero. One could argue that this is a real betrayal of the character. In the first film Rambo just wants to be left alone in peace. At the end of the day, this is just a very antiquated character. I can't figure out a suitable place for Rambo. Maybe he was just fine being left in the 1980's.

This dog is getting substantially larger

2008-06-02T05:43:00.001-07:00

This is an aerial photograph.

New Addition

2008-03-11T03:21:00.000-07:00

Meet Pearl. Named after Mr Krabbs daughter, not the necklace.

Pop Ewok or Pope Wok?

2008-01-13T06:10:00.000-08:00

Star Wars Nerd Chieftain or Chinese Culinary Deity?

YOU DECIDE.

This is really good.

2008-01-10T05:45:00.000-08:00

There's a tribute to all things Stan Lee in L.A. right now.

Collider has the info and some pics here

My fave:

This Blog is Genious...

2008-01-07T18:26:00.000-08:00

The internet said so:

Online Payday Loans

Christmas/New Years Defeated...

2008-01-07T05:35:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone was bludgeoned with wonder this past holiday. Cheers!

I gave/got some cool shit.

Ok, that's out of the way.

I quit my job of the past 8 years to move in an entirely new direction. Kinda scary...but not as scary as reaching Year 10 and realizing that other than keeping my kids fed and insured, I'd accomplished little to none. So, like Thornton Melon, I'm going back to school* to get a degree in something completely different. It doesn't involve offices, casual-fridays, or TPS reports.

School doesn't start until the 14th, so this week..I'm inundating myself with movies.

On the slate:

Sweeney Todd
Juno
Atonement
The Kite Runner
The Diving Bell and The Butterfly
Charlie Wilsons War

I should be able to hit 2 a day. Any other recommendations? (I've already seen There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men, of course).

*Burt Young Optional

BLOGGING FROM MY WII!!!

2007-12-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

WIIIIIIIIIII!

The Revenge of New DVD Tuesday

2007-12-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I've actually looked forward to getting some new DVD's. Not only has my purchasing schema dramatically changed over the past few months, but my film appetite has been in a lull for awhile. Plus, I feel we're in (or at the threshold of) the waning days of DVD. At least, standard definition. And there's a substantial distinction to make: I think the pendulum has swung to HD. Um, my 67 year old technophobe mom has a 60" inch plasma, HD service, and now wants an HD player.

I Netflix 90% of what I watch now. It's such a great service. And seriously, this is the way to plow through TV on DVD.

But today, I dusted off my Amazon account and purchased some must-haves.

Currently haunting my top five of the year. Seth Rogen and Apatow get lots of love and adulation round these parts, but Michael Cera is a real gift.

For christsake, I miss this show. I saw some little web shorts with Young Adama battling the old Centurion Cylons. NERD ALERT!

I'm locked in to get the first 5 seasons. And I'll get the Murphy years. And the one crazy shitty year when Jean Doumanian was producer and Charles Rocket said "fuck" on air. And then the Phil Hartman run from the late 80's to the early nineties. And then full stop.

"He says you Brade Lunner!"

2007-12-03T04:03:00.000-08:00

I caught the Blade Runner rerelease this past weekend. Which should be subbed: How To Rejigger Your Film Digitally Perfectly And Not Break A Sweat. I've seen BR, no shit, over 100 times, easy. This film print (er, digital, I thinks) POPPED off the two-dimensional surface. I've never seen it like this before. It's almost a hindrance to the story because several times I became adrift in the art design. Noticing architecture I'd never seen before. Realizing despite his rough hewn handsomeness, Ford looks like a drowning rat in this movie.

One minor grievance though, my favorite line in the movie is gone.

"I want more LIFE , fucker."

...is now:

"I want more life, Father."

And it's not the "fucker" I miss. It's the way Hauer seethes that line with a hiss. Gone. He says it very matter of factly. Altering that intonation deflates that entire scene of tension.

Anyway, it doesn't affect the overall in the slightest. It was a marvelous film-going experience. Now, I want my damn briefcase.

Persepolis

2007-11-14T19:00:00.001-08:00

The trailer for the adaptation has arrived.

Check it in HD if you have the means.

Looks impressive. I loved both comics.

Searching the webz for that graphic, I discovered that Marjane Satrapi is all kinds of hotness.

No Country For Old Men

2007-11-11T18:56:00.001-08:00

God damn, what a film. The Coens return to Noir with a motherfuckin' vengeance. I'm an unabashed Cormac McCarthy fanatic. His stripped to the bone prose infused with existentialism (with a hint of dread) sings to me. The Coens have made, what I'd say, was the tightest , most literal adaptation of a novel I've ever seen. Huge swaths of dialogue organically flow from the actors. And with McCarthy's ponderous, yet clip verbiage, it's a stunning achievement.

Javier Bardem is the scariest person with a bowlcut EVER. There are scenes where his force of nature hitman, Chigurh, appears like Michael Myers into the frame blurred in the background. Or his pronounced limp reminds of Frankensteins' Monster. The death he brings as much a force of nature as it is calculated, manmade evil.

The acting all around is stellar. Josh Brolin continues turning in understated, but awesome work. Tommy Lee Jones brings the wisdom in every crag of his weathered face. His Sheriff Ed Tom Bell radiating a haunting sadness and being the emotional heart of the film.

07 is looking very much like a year to beat. It's the new '99!

Lovers of Hilariousness, Take Heed...

2007-11-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

Items shipping soon:
Delivery estimate: November 15, 2007
1 of: The Perry Bible Fellowship: The Trial of Colonel Sweeto and Other Stories
Sold by: Amazon.com, LLC

$11.72

"Why We Fight"

2007-11-07T06:10:00.001-08:00

Great little Youtube (>4min) that succinctly summarizes the WGA position. This is as black and white as it gets, folks.

Spider-Meh 3

2007-11-06T06:05:00.000-08:00

See what I did there?

Yeah, Spidey kinda not so good. Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the feeling all involved were tired. I mean, they really banged out 3 huge movies in 5 years, I wouldn't begrudge the exhaustion. But there's some lazy ass shit in here. I'm looking at you, Withholding Pertinent Information Until The Plot Expressly Requires It Butler. I also like how Bernard is trained in forensics as well as polishing knobs.

Oh well, at least Gwen Stacy was hot.

As disappointed as I am, I'd still be up for a new creative team to tackle the Wall Crawler.

Good God Almighty!

2007-11-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

This feels like a horror movie.

Check Out The Neatly Pressed Trousers on THOR!

2007-10-30T03:59:00.000-07:00

It's almost like a Thor uniform for Thunder Gods R Us or something. Come on, Costumers...TIGHTS and THIGH HIGH BOOTS!

The Pope of Chilitown

2007-10-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

Made this recipe last night. Turned out real well. Lots of room to improvise. I used 3 jalapeno's and 1 red pepper. You could also sub a cup of stout for the water. Maybe a can of Rotel.

Spicy Red Pork and Bean Chili

1/2 lb sliced bacon
4 lb boneless pork shoulder, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 large white onion, chopped
1 to 2 fresh jalapeño chiles, seeded and chopped
4 large garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons dried oregano, crumbled
1/3 cup chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
14‚-oz can beef broth
1 cup brewed coffee
1 cup water
28- to 32-oz can crushed tomatoes with purée
2 (19-oz) cans small red beans or kidney beans, rinsed and drained
Accompaniments: toasted salted pumpkin seeds, chopped red onion, torn fresh cilantro sprigs, diced avocado, lime wedges, sour cream, and warmed corn chips or tortilla chips

Cook bacon in a 6- to 8-quart heavy pot over moderate heat, turning, until crisp. Transfer with tongs to paper towels to drain and pour off all but 2 tablespoons fat from pot. Crumble bacon. Pat pork dry and season with salt and pepper. Add oil to pot and heat over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking. Brown pork in about 6 batches without crowding and transfer with a slotted spoon to a plate. Add onion and jalapeños and cook over moderate heat, stirring, until softened. Add garlic, oregano, chili powder, cumin, and cayenne, then cook, stirring, 1 minute. Return pork to pot with any juices accumulated on plate and add broth, coffee, water, and tomatoes with purée.
Simmer chili, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until pork is very tender, about 2 hours. Stir in beans and bring to a simmer, stirring.

Serve chili with bacon and accompaniments.

I Return To You...with MERCHANDISE!

2007-10-27T06:47:00.000-07:00

I am shrouded in the stink of dirty, filthy consumerism.

Beatles savant, that I am...this completely slipped past my Fab Radar:

That's the long awaited DVD of HELP! (with the proper aspect ratio, nerds). There's also some kind of uber edition for nearly $100. For that premium you get a poster and a script...Jesus. The Mark David Chapman Edition.

Mac nerds, BEHOLD. A better pussy is bestowed upon us:

And for no discernible reason:

YOU, GO SEE SUPERBAD

2007-08-20T04:24:00.000-07:00

And You know who You are.

Apatow and Rogen punch you in the face with hilarity. Repeatedly. LA cop style.

And internet, your candyass backlash by barely aware automatons is falling on deaf eyes (or def eyes). Get a job.

New York: Escaped

2007-08-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

What a shithole. Well, I think my experience this past week in Snake Plisskens' playground might have been better if I didn't have to, you know, work and shit. Also, allow me to illuminate what a farce our national airport security is. On the return trip, while the carry on screener was shaking down some frat kid with half a bottle of travel-sized hand sanitizer, my three pieces of toxic dirty laundry laden luggage breezed through uninspected. As did the half a dozen passengers behind me. I had my shoes back on and a soy latte in hand by the time TSA was finished searching some dope's manpurse.

I also spent the entire flight sitting next to a 400lb. woman who couldn't lower the armrest between us, allowing her crushing fat seepage to smother the right side of my body. Where is Al Qaeda when you need them?

I poured over the Hot Fuzz dvd on the trip. For a single platter, it's relatively stacked. The men always put on a great commentary. Again, buy this movie if you at all value comedy or seeing the elderly thrashed.

A Very Special Episode of "Nerds With Kids"

2007-08-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

Internet acquaintance Doug Slack (aka Bob Clark, aka Moe Stash, aka The Byzantine Tickler) created a blog wherein he sifts through the detritus of geek minutiae finding veins of cool kid appropriate gold.

Doug is one of the rare d00dz on the interweb with great taste, a firm grasp of the English (and Skrullian) language, and doesn't have any social disorders (that I know of). Give his stuff a read.

NERDS WITH KIDS

"Steve..."

2007-07-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

Flight of the Conchords is the new sex.

“I’m back and I’m ringin’ a bell”

2007-07-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

I blog like a herpes outbreak; couple times a year unless treated by a physician.

A big fat, rusting hunk of summer is gone. I managed to catch MOST of the big movies and a few of the smaller ones. A quick rundown of where I’m at cinematically:

HOT FUZZ: Perfect. While it isn’t the total eclipse of the heart that Shaun is, that’s owed mostly to the fact that I prefer zombies and slobs to cops and over-achievers.

ZODIAC: As far as I’m concerned, Fincher’s masterpiece. And I really only put it slightly in front of Fight Club because of that films insufferable legion of fans. If Zodiac inspires a legion of nerds to go out solving serial killers cryptograms than I’ll reconsider.

SPIDER-MAN 3: I hate to say it but Spidey wore out his welcome on this ex-True Believer. Specifically, Raimi directing Spidey. I’m very ready for a few years to pass and a new take on the Arach-Icon.

KNOCKED UP: Impregnated me with joy. 2nd favorite of the year so far. Rogen deserves every great thing coming to him. And styes are really gross.

SICKO: Every American should see this. I think it’s Michael Moore’s most engaging, most accessible film.

TRANSFORMERS: If my love were a red humvee it would jump over this movie in slo-mo. Goddamn, the smile on my face throughout this epic was Joker-esque. Wonderful garbage.

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER: Terrible garbage. Chris Evans and Chiklis deserve a better film for their performances. The rest of this is boring horseshit.

ONCE: Easily the best film of the year. And one of the best musicals I’ve ever seen. Wonderful. Buy the soundtrack.

OCEANS 13: I’ve enjoyed all of these. For better or worse, I just find them so laid back and cool that they’re hard to resist. Charming.

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX: It was my favorite book so I maybe felt a bit more defensive about the necessary additions/deletions from the narrative. But a pretty great movie, all the same. I still slightly lean towards AZKABAN, but this is clearly the 2nd best film of the series. Oldman, Fiennes, Rickman are all fucking excellent.

New Brandon Bird

2007-07-23T18:33:00.001-07:00

LAMBERTBACK

Liquidation Sale

2007-05-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

Culling a bunch of DVD's from my collection. Giving you guys first crack.

$5 for regular shit. Criterions and mega-boxed sets on a case by case basis. Throw in a buck or two for shipping.

$ALE!

Grindhouse Postmortem

2007-04-11T04:44:00.000-07:00

My most anticipated movie of the year: seen twice. It's become a tradition to see all new Tarantino's twice back to back. I didn't manage it back to back, but this worked out because my 2nd time was at a kinda cruddy beerhouse. $2 pitchers, a mouthy movie geek crowd, and lots of fried food. Perfect. The calibre of crowd is essential in ones enjoyment of Grindhouse.

Robert Rodriguez's PLANET TERROR is the lead-off. It could conceivably be subtitled ATTACK OF THE KILLER B'S. B actors, B plot, B moan a missed opportunity. Not sure what RR was going for here. Instead of a straight ahead grindhouse (which his debut flick certainly was) PLANET TERROR feels like much more a parody of several genres. From shitty 80's video store filler to Italian glop fare. Parody is fine, but it becomes evident that maybe RR isnt as steeped in this shit as is cohort is. Not a crime, but it was all little wink-wink-udge-nudge for me (especially on the 2nd screening where I realized I wish that I could just have seen Death Proof solo). Specifically, for a zombie flick, his zombies have ZERO presence. Even when they're on-screen. In the great zombie flicks the shambling dead have constant shroud of dread throughout the entire flick. The "sickos" (great name) are really no more than on-screen business for the actors to negotiate around. And that leads to the digital grue. I'm not an anti-CGI guy, but when you have Nicotero and Berger pay those motherfuckers a mint and gross me out. The splatter in this is a little too precious for me. Although the bit with the doctor looking at slides of various infections is greatness.

I mentioned the b-plots, and that really sticks with me. There's "sickos", El Wray and his mysterious past, JT and his brother, both Doc Blocks, Bruce Willis and Sayid from LOST...Personally, I was most invested in the Brolin/Shelton stuff. I would have infinitely more stuff with them. A zombie apocalype set in a hospital would be greatly appreciated.

On a side-sidenote, when did Jeff Fahey get cult status? He got cheers at BOTH of my screenings. I guess I have more faith in humanity to believe that Psycho 3 or The Lawnmower Man resonated with my fellow man. Michael Biehn and Savini? Not a peep ('cept from me). It's a weird world.
!!
The trailers. Rob Zombie's WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE SS, a little too on-the-nose. Fuck Nicolas Cage, BILL MOSELY! Edgar Wright's DON'T is a mini-masterpiece. Voice-over by Gob Bluth. And the Eyebrow King, Eli Roth brings the best trailer of the bunch.

Then there's a well-placed for mexican food. I lol'd and got hungry.

Finally. Death Proof. Masterpiece.

I'd love to leave it at that but I keep turning it over in the rock tumbler that is my brain. On the surface a smash up of the slasher and car crash flicks of the 70's. Deeper delving and you have Tarantino's most personal film, yet. All of the shit that goes on in that enormous dome is laid bare on celluloid. His slavish devotion to film, but his masterful ability to bend convention in a new and exciting way. And I thought this with Kill Bill, so it wasn't a surprise, but Tarantino gets and adores women. It's delightful thing.

Oh and Kurt Russell was built for Quentin Tarantino. The man delivers a heaping mouthful of classic QT banter like no other (save for Samuel L).

The last 20 minutes of this movie are why I love movies. I don't want to ruin anything, but if you aren't white knuckling the armrest, with a silly-ass grin plastered to your face, you don't love movies.

As much as me, that is.

Hobo With A Shotgun

2007-04-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

DVD Junk In Yo DVD Trunk

2007-04-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

A great flick that never really got it's due theatrically.

A show about assholes for assholes. Obviously, I love it.

To prime the pump for the much anticipated (frealz yall...I'm dyin) Grindhouse, an old school car classic.

Not to be confused with this:

Another Sound Reason to Go Region Libre

2007-03-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

Reliable commentary from The 'Beav

Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

2007-03-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

The first word outta my mouth after this movie was “cute”.

And that’s not at all a trite diss. It is very cute. Sweet, loving, thoughtful, funny. It’s a little genre-bender that is complete in sloppy, gooey-eyed love with the genre it’s oh-so-sweetly bending. If you look back and find that on a lot of preteen Friday nights you stayed up after your parents went to bed so you could watch Elm Street, Friday the 13th, or any of it’s lesser clones, Behind The Mask will find purchase in your ventricles.

It presupposes that Jason, Freddy, and Myers are all real, their murderous escapades are all real, and their legends are real and HUGE. So huge that they inspire regular joes to take up the cause and diligently train to follow in their blood-soaked footprints.

Enter Leslie Vernon.

Charming, confident, witty, handsome, and filled with a passion to mince virgins. In Leslie’s mind what he’s doing isn’t remotely evil. He’s giving the forces of good something to triumph against. It’s his divine calling. So he sets about meticulously plotting his Reign of Terror. From choosing which virginal teen girl is best suited to be his “Survivor Girl” to which weapons he’ll make available to her when she decides she’s had enough torment and becomes hell bent for revenge. Leslie points out for us that this weapon is usually phallic in nature and is, subtextually, his cock that she’s using to empower herself.

It’s not at all an ironic smirk or a curt dismissal like Scream, by the way. It gingerly tweaks the conventions, and then plays loving tribute. The film drips with adoration. Robert Englund shows up to a rejoicing Leslie as his “Ahab”, the opposing force of good, looking oh so Donald Pleasant. Even Kane Hodder has a cameo.

What’s interesting is that even though it hits all of its comedic beats; it manages to effectively navigate into an actual slasher film so gracefully. Where Leslie is so warm and funny, Nathan Baesel, in a fantastic performance, effortlessly becomes the silent hacker. And I imagine on repeat viewings this is quite rewarding.

Pictorial

2007-03-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

The first batch. Click for high(er) res.

Maddy and a triceratops made of chrome bumpers. I dunno...

Next time I'm going to have my picture taken with my head in there.

Here comes the terrible. That Batman mask is walmart cheap.

Who knew The Beatles were crew members of the Enterprise?

My favorite one. Curly looks really real.

The Chocolate Monk.

FDR borrows Count Dooku's clothes.

Bitch.

Liam Neeson

Spring Broke

2007-03-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

I always hate the last day of vacation. I know my voice mail will be full. I’ll have a deluge of emails to skim (and delete). And if someone wants to really piss me off – there will be shit stacked in my chair. Fortunately, taking the week off to hang out with my oldest (Maddy) was well worth that last 24 hours of angst.

Here’s a brief rundown of the weeks events.

Monday: We hit the Louis Tussaud's Palace of Wax. It’s expensive and hilariously tacky. It’s in a huge Taj Mahal looking place with Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. We did both. We were done in less than an hour. In a stunning display of Miro Iron Nerves, Maddy braved the Chamber of Horrors (albeit through splayed fingers). Before anyone calls CPS, it’s the wussiest Chamber of Horrors ever. No gore, mostly just classic Hollywood movie monsters. She was fine. There is a bit where you walk through a diorama of Night of the Living Dead and you trip some motion sensor that makes a car honk at you (LOUD). We both jumped ten feet.

Tuesday: We hit Fair Park. It’s a collection of different museums at one huge sprawling (we walked our asses off) site. Science and Natural History, Women’s museum, African-American, Native American, Trains, an aquarium, and a Planetarium. The main attraction was seeing Body Worlds and Sharks 3D in Imax.

We saw the T-Rex, which I gotta say, was impressive. There was also the skeleton of a prehistoric turtle monster (Gamera?) that was about the size of a midsize sedan.

Sharks in 3D, kinda boring. I know, I was crushed.

Body Worlds was amazing. Of course, me being me, I kept imagining all of these things coming to life and killing museum patrons.

Wednesday: We took a day off to hit the comic book stores and chill. I got these:

More on those later.

Thursday: We drove 60 miles to the Fort Worth Zoo. It’s an awesome zoo with cool enclosures for the beasts. For instance, the gorilla habitat is a like a huge mountainside with a 3 story waterfall.

On our particular visit, the zoo saw 25,000 visitors. It was…a zoo. And the people that were there seemed to be from the shallow end of the gene pool. I shit you not, I saw a lady waving her purse at a moray eel to make it move. “That thing is fake.”, she cackled. “It ain’t movin’! He ain’t sleepin, his eyes are open!”

So, we hit all the big attractions: Gorillas, Lions, Snakes, Sharks and beat it outta there.

Friday: I went to the movies by myself. Caught up with Zodiac and 300. Zodiac is a masterpiece. I'll expand later.

INTERMEZZO

2007-03-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

I made it...and yet didn't. The time change really screwed me up. It was 6am when Marie Antoinette was over. And I had plans at 8am. So...I was up but fell short of Nosferatu and Cemetery Man. I'll get to them this week as I'm off all week. Spring Breakin'.

It's 8pm Sunday night. And I still haven't been to sleep. I think I may be "stuck" on.

Saw The Host with The Artist Formerly Known as General Logan. Great flick.

Taking my oldest daughter to Louis Tussauds Palace of Wax tomorrow and Ripley's Believe It Or Not. I'll be mobloggin fo sho.

Coppola's MARIE ANTOINETTE

2007-03-11T01:17:00.000-08:00

I forgot about Daylight Savings Time (stupid). It is currently 4:18am...

This is the hardest one to get through. Coppola's pacing is gold leaf drying sllllowwww.

I've never gotten the scron Dunst seems to attract (pretty much solely from nerds on the internet who wished they were Spider-mans betrothed) but she's excellent in this. I'm torn on the film. One one hand it's inventive, beautiful, emotional...but then I do detect a fair amount of bullshit in this reading of Antoinette. I have doubts that she was just misunderstood.

Regardless, I have a hard time trawling up sympathy for her much less maintaining much interest objectively.

I am fucking exhausted, too.

COCAINE COWBOYS

2007-03-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

YAY DOPE!

Pretty fucking awesome trailer for The Host.

"Music Composed and Performed by Jan Hammer"

Trying to live blog this is getting annoying. Taking me out of the films. So, henceforth, I'll just be approximating "live".

I'm definitely getting tired and I can feel the caffeine wearing off. Fortunately this doc is intense and captivating. Pretty amazing that COCAINE COWBOYS asserts that Miami was built on drug money. I can't believe some of the OG's are still kicking around talking about this shit. They've got an interview with one of the Medallin Cartel hitmen. He tells this story of going with some crazy cuban to do a hit at an airport. The Boss insists he do it with a BAYONNET.

Robert Bresson's PICKPOCKET

2007-03-10T20:00:00.000-08:00

Some meat, fruit, water, and a pee later...the next film begins.

Paul Schrader Introduction. God Bless Criterion.

How weird to have a disclaimer stating the filmmakers intent as the opener.

----

Didn't come up for air to post on that one. It flew by. Pretty astonishing film.

Loved the training montage of the more experienced thief teaching Michel the finer points.

Eddie Murphy Delirious

2007-03-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

"I need my heroin"

WHY DIDST THOU FORSAKE US, EDDIE MURPHY???

The Bus Boys: Lamest Black Dudes EVER. The drummer is in suspenders, sans shirt, with a 'fro-pompadour. SHAME.

I used to tie my belt like this in Junior High. Looks like a tertiary limp dick hanging outside of your pants. Bad look, fuck you, 80's.

2 minutes in -- faggot joke. I cringe. Granted, faggots used to be funny until they became actual people that I cared about. Weird that.

Gay Mr. T...still funny. "huuunnnh...haaaah"

"New AIDS shit..." yeesh.

I wonder if this red leather suit embarrasses Eddie now. It does me.

Goddamn, his Michael Jackson is PERFECTION. So hilarious.

"Lemonaaade"...dyin.

Been laughing nonstop...now,"ICE CREAM MAN"

Oh Jesus, his dad stuff is classic. I DO NOT feel like it's been 15 years since I've seen this. "Brontosaurus Burger!"

"22 year old black man getting paid to hold his dick." So great.

Over. It's impossible to deny the raw talent he posessed early in his career. Even 20 years of reality sobering some of his edgier jokes, the guy is a font of charisma. He's also so very young and hungry. Mentally a very different space than someone in their 40's who's cashed a few 20 million dollar paychecks.

IT BEGINS...OMFG!!!111ONE

2007-03-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

A little late, I apologize. I had to grill my Meats of the Realms. Tonights provisions consist of sliced top sirloin, apple sausage, assorted cheeses, fruit, vino, coffee, dark chocolate...and the big guns, BAWLS.

First up, and what really made me dig on Chris' program, Eddie Murphy's Delirious. Particularly it leading into Bresson.

I'm going to be making bite-sized posts all night in lieu of one long rambler. Solely because of George Merchan and his complete disregard for HTML. Bastardo.

Oh and if you wanna jibber-jabber or wake me up...I'll be on Yahoo Messenger ALL NIGHT. My username is "capnkatanga".

HOLLA.

The Lineup

2007-03-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

Chris Oliver Wins. Check back for updates beginning straight up at 7pm tonight.

Chris, email me your address and I'll send you some swag. benmiro@gmail.com

Get To Programming!

2007-03-06T05:46:00.000-08:00

The unofficial rules for the official Insomniathon:

I've listed the films taking up space and generally reminding me what a horrible consumer I am. Hopefully, you guys are either motivated or bored enough to put together a 12-hour little program for me. 6 films or so from this list. Just post your selections in the comments. Submit as many selections as you want. Many will enter, few will win. Noon on Saturday seems like a decent enough cutoff time.

Also: If I use your program, I'll send you a little something-something for your creativity/effort/OCD.

Thanks for your patronage,

-the mgmt.

Aguirre, The Wrath of God
Black Rain
Brick
Cemetery Man
Cocaine Cowboys
The Constant Gardener
Crank
Crash (1996)
Dead Ringers
The Doors
The Driver
Double Indemnity
Dune
Eat Drink Man Woman
Eddie Murphy Delirious
Equinox
Everything Is Illuminated
Fitzcarraldo
Forbidden Planet
Friday the 13th
Great Expectations (1998)
Hotel Rwanda
The Illusionist
Jesus Camp
Kinsey
Lifeboat
Little Miss Sunshine
Marie Antoinette
Marnie
Nosferatu, Phantom Der Nacht
Pat Garrett and Billy The Kid
Psycho 2
Pickpocket
Ran
Sanjuro
Shadow of a Doubt
Stagecoach
Swamp Thing
The Maltese Falcon
Talladega Nights
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
This Film Is Not Yet Rated
3 Godfathers
To Kill A Mockingbird
War of the Worlds (2005)
When The Levees Broke
The Wild Bunch
Yojimbo

Up All Night With Space-Age Polymers

2007-03-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

This weekend I’ll be making penance for accumulating such a ridiculous unwatched DVD pile. From 7pm to 7am, 12 hours of movies, and I’ll live blog the whole sick ordeal.

I’m thinking that’s about 5 or 6 movies. I’ll go through my stacks and list EVERYTHING I’ve got collecting dust. My beloved handful of readers will elect the chosen half dozen by Friday

I will also be pumping an unhealthy amount of coffee into my system. I imagine my delirium will be entertaining enough.

Lighten Up, Francis

2007-03-05T05:16:00.000-08:00

Context coming soon.

Look what a fiver can yield

2007-03-05T05:12:00.000-08:00

$5 at my local grocers.

My unwatched pile mocks me.

2007-03-01T16:19:00.001-08:00

Multimedia message

2007-03-01T16:18:00.001-08:00

Sitting on hold with Cingular...

2007-02-28T08:18:00.000-08:00

Multimedia message

2007-02-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

Test

...icles

Good Reads

2007-02-15T04:53:00.000-08:00

I heard the author interviewed on NPR and immediately aimed my vehicle for the nearest bookseller. It's a quick read at 200 or so pages, but man, perfect economy of prose and an instantly compelling narrative do a great book make. Check it out.

My Favorite Looney Tunes Short

2007-02-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

EVAH

Hey Yo Schoolies:

2007-02-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

Le awesome.

Update: No joke, slick.

DVD Tuesday Spoils

2007-02-06T13:22:00.001-08:00

"Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit!"

2007-02-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

I got this little contraption for X-Mas. And it sat in it's box until this very morning. If there are any cardinal rules about Ben Miro, the first is "Don't Fuck With His Coffee", the second is "Disregard When he Speaks In 3rd Person". So, I need my coffee in the am, like a junkie needs his fix. I don't play. I have a very dependable Krups. I buy the ground Costco tin and once in awhile I buy some free trade roasted beans and grind my own (but usually, fuck that, I'm a monster in the am and don't have the patience for that). I checked this Aeropress thing out on the web last night and decided to give it a day in court.

It's made by the same people who make really awesome frisbees. Blink. Yeah, frisbees.

It's basically the inverse of a french press. It's like a giant syringe. But I have to say the very first cup was easily better than by Krups...and better than the Original House of Pancakes coffee (my highwater marker for great coffee. The only Starbuck I care about is the blond one that flies Vipers). So this $20 geegaw, makes a perfect cup of joseph.

Hard Candy 2: Harder Candy

2007-02-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

...is the script I'm currently writing. In it, our red-hoodied heroine hitches to Japan where she studies the secret, mystical arts of the one-punch castration technique. One punch and the victims balls burst into flames. Pedophile Jeff (who was seemingly hanged in the first film) survived his encounter with Red Hoodie but is a quadriplegic. He had his chair custom-built with all kinds of super-pedophile gadgetry. A collection of Bratz dolls, an mp3 player playing Goldfrapp in a loop, a roofie dispenser, and a swiss army-style array of sex toys all at puff of breath away. He pursues Red Hoodie to the orient seeking vengeance...

BTW: The above is really no more ridiculous than the first film, which I watched last night. Very disapointed. The trailer is great. I'm not one to get hung up on plot...but the contrivances laid out for this one are Great Walls to overcome.

First things first, evil pedophile Jeff is a handsome rich guy. Watch the news, these guys are of a certain "type". Usually overweight, socially inept losers. I suppose there could be an underground network of handsome rich pedophiles. But I have a feeling Patrick Wilson (who DOES give an amazng performance) was cast to undermine the audiences normal expectations of what a pedophile looks like to gain our sympathies.

I kept waiting for the big reveal that Hayley was older than 14...or something. Her uncanny intelligence and motivations are never explained. She's a mysterious force of vengeance and that's it. Not to mention, completely unlike any 14 year old (which as far as the movie leads you to believe, she actually is) you've ever encountered. I totally could buy a smart, resourceful 14 year old, and I'd be more willing to accept a girl being so quick-witted, but not inthe service of a basic revenge (I guess...it's never explained) story...where her wits and actions are so crucial to the plot.

In spite of all that, it IS a handsome film. I'll be keeping an eye out for the next movie directed by David Slade (a guy imported from England by Tony and Ridley Scott, according to the doc). The film has a very rich, but straightforward style. A lot of the films problems are spelled in the accompaning doc. Basically, this dude who was a studio exec broke out to start his own indie company. His team watched the news and spitballed a treatment about pedophiles. They hired a noteable playwright, found a n00b director with an eye...and voila. I've got NO problem with that little formula, btw. It just all seems a little too committee for an indie. I mean, it's evident in the film that it's not a filmmakers singular vision here.

I kept thinking while I was watching it that it'd probably make one hell of a play. The emotions and character dynamics are pretty great and I suspect the natural artificiality of film detracts. Shit, I haven't mentioned Ellen Page, while her character is all smoke and mirrors...she plays it superbly and genuinely. She's a major find. If the filmmakers had at least barely explained her character, I would have totally bought it...she's THAT good.

Pizza Logistics

2007-02-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

How can something so simple get fucked up so bad?

Went to this little pizzeria down the block from my office. A little on the pricey side ($12 for an 8" pie). Again, simplicity is the key to pizza. The crust was really doughy. Was like chewing on a tire. Topping were ok, but the cheap cheese coagulated into one greasy disc and came off entirely in one bite.

I've given up trying to get a decent pie in Texas (esp the burbs). I bought a peel from a restaurant supply store and just roll my own. I make a nice thin, crispy crust with REAL fresh mozzarella (seriously, that shredded shit in a bag is crap. A ball of fresh mozzarella is like $5). I don't dig on meat on my pizza, so I usually throw on some tomatoes, fresh chopped garlic, basil...or my fucking favorite: pineapple and fresh jalapeno. The key is to dice up the pineapple and use a razor blade (like Paulie in Goodfellas!) to slice the jalopenos into slivers.

The Weekend Cometh

2007-02-02T09:12:00.001-08:00

Between drinking and fooding like I'm the fat ghost of Marlon Brando and soirees that'd make Jay Gatsby look like a spinster, I might squeeze in some movie watching.

From the mighty Netflix:

From my own personal stash:

Cheeseburger In Paradise

2007-01-31T11:08:00.000-08:00

It's so rare for the menu pics to actually bear any resemblance to your meal...but the burger joint next door to my office consistently delivers. Fuck tomatoes, though. And I like jalapenos on mine.

Oh...The Fucking Irony!

2007-01-30T17:25:00.000-08:00

sigh...yeah, that's me. When I was 8, not now.

Easy Andy

2007-01-30T16:43:00.000-08:00

Street Fight

2007-01-30T04:24:00.000-08:00

If there's ever been a more apt title for a documentary, I've yet to see it. The story of an upstart candidate challenging the 4-term incumbent mayor of Newark is a crash course in old-school, Tammany Hall-style politicking. One might not give a flying fuck about the mayoral race in Newark (in 02, no less) but I assure you, it's as relevant a film on current politics as I've ever seen. This is brutal, bloody example of the national corruption that's been festering in the heart and guts of this democracy since it's inception.

Cory Booker, the challenger, is a young Rhodes Scholarship full of ideals and principles with a head full of steaming ambition. He's the kind of politician that makes you forget about all the scumbags who coast on the will of the people (Tom Delay). I would follow this guy.

The incumbent Sharpe James, has been an elected official for 32 years (more than half his life. He is The System. For starters he routinely strong arms the filmmaker and uses the police as personal thugs. Despite the protests of his press guy he refuses access to Marshall Curry (the filmmaker) AT PUBLIC EVENTS. He uses housing authority staffers to inform Booker he can't campaign in public housing facilities. When that fails, he goes on to intimidate residents with Booker signs and small businesses. At the point where Booker and his troops are aghast at these shenanigans, the race card is dealt. Alarming since both candidates are black. Accusations of Booker not being "black enough"...and shockingly he's derided for being too educated! Quite an eye-opener, even for a politico inured to the graft.

The docs narrative follows the lead up to the election and keeps the particular policies at arms length. What emerges is the broader story of America's political system and how crucial and delicate it all really is.

Netflixing

2007-01-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

I have so many movies still in their original shrinkwrap, slowly coalescing into a small nation in my movie room. It's a depressingly all too real reminder of my mindless consumerism and my inheriant laziness. It is one of the things I get most down on myself for. So, in an effort to whip this one character flaw into shape I joined Netflix.

Two things: I now no longer impulsively buy a shit movie that I never got around to theatrically AND I feel compelled to watch the rentals in a timely manner in order to make my $16/a month go as far as fucking possible.

In my little free trial 2 week period I've burned (ahem) through 4 flicks and 5 and 6 on the way. Some quick writeups:

THE BREAKUP: Really pretty endearing. It, at least, has some actual real human content rather than the typical romcom robots that inhabit these things. Although, it still relies on that most insipid romcom device wherein one (or both, in this case) is completely emotionally retarded and completely immune to other peoples thoughts & feelings.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3 ELL OH ELL. I'm not one of those jerks who can't get down with some B-grade entertainments (it's a cornerstone of my love)...but it's when it's gussied up to be "Meaningful" that it deserves every bit of ire people can expel and hurl at it. I saw this theatrically and for the most part tolerated it. I'm a fan of the first entry (DePalma love blinds you to such things as the ridiculousness of exploding chewing gum, see?), a fanatical hater of the 2nd which in my minds eye consists solely of slow-mo shots of Tom Cruises' hair fanning out like the magnificent plumage it truly is.

MI:3 is so loaded with talent. I can't remember a big movie that had such an impressive cast that are in service to nothing but ego and pretense. Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Billy Crudup (not for nothin but the movie would have been far more interesting if this guy was the lead), Michelle Monaghan, Maggie Q, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Simon Pegg, and Lawrence Fishburne. Yes, Cowboy Curtis is slumming it in this movie.

The ending can only be seen to be believed. It ends like an episode of CHIPS...freeze frame on Ponch, John, and the squad room full of lesser CHIPS all smiling. I am totally serious. It could only have been better if Ethan gave the camera a wink and double thumbs up.

DOWN IN THE VALLEY Now, we're talking. I will buy this. I couldn't help thinking of Taxi Driver. For some reason, I like when peoples subjective reality rubs up against the objectively in all the wrong ways. In the right hands, it makes for some good drama. DOWN IN THE VALLEY feels very personal. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some autobiographicalness going on with the writer/director. As kooky as the story goes, it feels authentic. There's a rather obvious commentary on The Valley (Oh, Deborah Foreman why hast thou forsaken me)but you could make the same case for the nations suburban sprawl so it feels organic and resonant.

Also, that Edward Norton kid is going to be big one day, I tells ya. Seriously, he manages to be both sweet and menacing in a way that's more affecting than DeNiro's Bickle (who was shithouse crazy all the way). Not a completely fair comparison, but apt given a few scenes that directly reference Taxi Driver.

The Ten

2007-01-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I think I can live with that.

"I'll Eat Up All Your Crackers And Your Licorice"

2007-01-24T03:40:00.000-08:00

2007-01-23T13:12:00.000-08:00

Pan Related Goodness

2007-01-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

A comic interview with del Toro

Absolute: The New Frontier

2007-01-18T04:23:00.000-08:00

I have drifted from comics more times than I can count. But I always seem to come back, on the advise of friends, who point out a substantive work. Such is the case with Darwyn Cooke's The New Frontier. I saw this Absolute edition at my local shop and while I couldn't jive with the $100 price tag (not that this fucker isn't worth every cent. It's a huge hardback volume that just oozes prestige. $100 is the same cost of an ER visit, or 1/6th of my daughters tuition, and when you have kids you begin to compartmentalize all those c-notes.) but the Amazonian carries it for less than half. I threw it on my wish list and added a link to my wish list to my wifes bookmarks.

Darwyn Cooke is one helluva a writer/illustrator. He did a lionshare of the design work on the Justice League cartoon and the even more impressive Batman Beyond. I say "more impressive" because most of those characters were created for that show, so it was more than adapting a preconceived look. In The New Frontier he employs a style reminscent of old war propaganda. It also bears more than passing resemblance to the superheroic stylings of Jack "King" Kirby. It's iconic and classy, throughout.

Storywise, it reconceives the Golden Age passing into the Silver through the prism of actual historical context. DC's superheroes are subjected to McCarthyism, nuclear parnoia, the space race, the civil rights movement.

El Laberinto del Fauno (2006)

2007-01-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

If I were a professional critic my blurb would be "Heartbreakingly Beautiful" (or if I was an IMDB mb critic: "Faunalicious!!1!").

2006 ended on a pretty damn magnificent note. Borat, Casino Royale, Babel, The Fountain, Children of Men, and (for my tardy ass) Pan's Labyrinth. I've had a love/like relationship with Guillermo del Toro's films. His personal films Cronos and The Devil's Backbone are amazing. Blade 2, I enjoy on a completely surface and technical level...and it's really much prettier than it has any right to be. Hellboy is a frustrating movie, it's so personal...but with characters and performances that are so dead (Hi, Selma Blair...could you pretend to enjoy making out with a 7' red monsterman?). But again...it's certainly not hard to watch.

Pan's Labyrinth seems to be the film where del Toro leaps forward as an artist and nails all his themes in such a complete and achingly beautiful way. It's like what he began in The Devil's Backbone distilled. I'd go so far to say that it's a perfect film. It is certainly a masterpiece. I've never been one for those "Art-Of" books but I'd plunk down my hard earned for this film.

The performances across the board were excellent. Plenty of love for Doug Jones and Sergi Lopez (whom I came and googled immediately to confirm he was a real person and not some demon from hell del Toro conjured for this role. As terrifying as The Pale Man was, Captain Vidal was twice as.) but Ivana Baquero as Ofelia is so great. I swear if you can sit through the final moments of this film without a lump the size of Gibraltar in your throat, then you're a pretty heartless SOB. Also, I loved the final scene with the doctor. That got me too.

I need to see this again, like...this week.

Hey look what finally showed up...

2007-01-17T04:58:00.000-08:00

I ordered this mid-December and received it mid-January. I'm not complaining because the advance word from trustworthy sources says it was worth the wait. Plus, I completely forgot about it, so it was a nice surprise.

Region Free or Die Hard: http://www.dvdasian.com/cgi-bin/dvdasian/23183.html?id=YffM9RQY

If any of you aren't region free I have a Malata that I'd part with for a bargain (I even have the original packaging). It's progressive scan and completely functional. I upgraded to the Oppo awhile back and it's just taking up space on my component rack.

A Friendly Reminder...

2007-01-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

Hits the streets in a couple weeks. Amazon has 'em both for less than $50. Not so much a Double Dip as the original Criterion discs were a little shifty. Save your ducats.

A Report From ZOMBIE ISLAND...

2007-01-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

All movie watching has ceased as Xbox addiction continues to usurp all my playtime. Yesterday the ICE APOCALYPSE (in TX any inclement weather gets some hilariously dramatic news coverage. I believe the local news outlets alternated between "ARCTIC BLAST" and "ICE BLAST"...I like mine best.) kept me from getting to work, so I jacked into OBLIVION for some virtual walking around and the occasional goblin raid. I'm seeing Pan's Labyrinth (fucking finally) tonight.

I've got Crank and Street Fight to watch this week. I also ordered Children of Men from Amazon UK.

LIVE!

2007-01-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

If any of youse want to seek revenge for my poor updating or terrible writing, add me to your friends list on X-Box Live.

gamertag: SoundedMean

games: Gears of War, Burnout Revenge, Marvel Ult Alliance, Dead Rising

Bring it.

Professional Time Wastrel Reviews Everything...

2007-01-08T10:02:00.001-08:00

A sampling of the many entertainments I am indulging in...

MOVIES

CHILDREN OF MEN: Until I see Pan's Labyrinth this holds my top spot for Best Film of 2006. Such a rich and provocative work. What I most love is how simple and straightforward the narrative is, yet the technique elevates it above and beyond. A case could be made that this is a recurring phenomenon of the year. Much has already been made about the incredible technical virtuosity Cuaron exhibits in some key scenes. But, I don't think these would have resonated without the perfect characterizations. With this and The Fountain, I feel we're seeing some of the most potent sci-fi in quite some time.

ALI: Decided to give this whirl a couple years down the road and see how it holds up. I'm almost a Mann apologist (Mann man?) but I feel this is his weakest effort of the last ten years or so. His visual narrative choices are, as always, excellent (specifically the way he shoots the boxing scenes). But there's some spice missing that keeps Mohammed Ali: The Man at arms length. Perhaps it's the casting of Will Smith, whose polished moviestar demeanor seems to undermine the real Champs gruff charm. One thought occurred to me over and over: What If Spike Lee Directed This? Better flick, I'd say.

GAMES

The X-Box is taking a giant chomp out of my entertainment time budget. I usually attempt to just concentrate on one game at a time (hey, I'm old and I forget which set of controls does what when I switch 'em up). But, given the console is so new, I've been checking out how it handles the different games I got.

GEARS OF WAR: Oh, son. On the OG X-Box, my favorite bits of recreational violence where both Halo and Splinter Cell. One for the brute force, the latter for the sneaky bastardness. What if some geniuses created a game that gave me the best of both. They have and it is called GEARS OF WAR. The title alone increases your testosterone levels.

It's a little bit Aliens/Warhammer 40k shooter where there's a stealth/tactical component added to round out all the blowing up of various mutant alien zombie things. From my perusal of various internet gaming sites, it is thee killer app for the device. Oh, and there's a chainsaw bayonet on your giant fuck-off gun. My inner inbred killer retard is so sated.

MARVEL ULTIMATE ALLIANCE: I enjoyed X-Men Legends, so this is a given. I can't deny the sheer joy of playing Cap, Thor, Iron Man, and Spidey all at once. Cap does this thing where you throw his shield and it ricochets off walls (hopefully) WANGing a bunch of baddies in the process. I played through the 1st level, half-assed...and went back to Gears.

DEAD RISING: I'm not a very discriminating gamer. Not to say, I don't know the difference between good shit and bad shit...I just have drastically lower demands on what constitutes a fun time at the console than, say, APOKALIPZ_N_UR_FACE. When I heard there was a zombie game out where you are trapped in a mall and you could while away a Sunday afternoon caving in their rotten heads with kitchen appliances; I gave the Target man 60 of my (not so) hard-earned shekels.

The start screen comes up...A suburban looking mall with dozens of undead schmoes shambling around with some eerie music. Already, I'm so sold. I jump right in (reading the manual to a new game is like idly going through the Kama Sutra while your honey is already in bed...research time is later!) and whoa...hold on...you're a photojournalist (not a CIA agent or mercenary? WTF?) and your first mission is to flyover this secluded Colorado suburb (which is under military lockdown) in a helicopter and take interesting photos. You get points for the nature of your pics. Lady being surrounded by zombies on a roof? 150 points for DRAMA! Same lady falls backwards off roof taking a few shamblers with her? 150 points for BRUTALITY! You get the idea.

I'm impressed with how detailed the undead hordes are. Different kinds of people. Little kids, old people, fat people, soccer moms, guys in suits, construction workers. I don't think I've seen two designs in close proximity. Of course, I'm usually either hitting them with a flying V guitar or running from them. I've only played a couple hours (Gears is the Master to my Blaster, at the moment) but it's mission based and not as free-for-all as GTA.

The one thing that either sucks so bad or I don't understand is the save system. HAHAHA...there isn't one! You can save your statistical progress...but not your progress in the game. Essentially...when you quit you have to start back up from the beginning but at the level you were when you signed off. Huh? Yeah. I've only played back through a couple times and it was varied enough so it wasn't a complete retread...but, Jesus, please tell me I just don't know how to save.

more to come...

The X-Mas Detox Is In Full Effect...

2007-01-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

Collective sigh

I hope everyone had a great holiday. Mine was good all in all. If you don't count a little bank fraud, boozy relatives, CAH-RAZZEE clothing, and a tornado. Sandy Claws was good to the Miro clan, I suppose. 32 years old and I'm still a little weird about receiving gifts. Even from my wife...there's still an awkward moment where I'm not sure how to react. It's like performance anxiety or something.

My girls are cumulatively about 7' of awesome. My youngest got me this Avengers sweatshirt with the classic lineup of the team (Hulk, Iron Man, Cap, Thor, Giant Man, & The Wasp). My oldest got me a Superman running shirt made of wicking fabric to absorb my Kryptonian sweat. My wife got me a new bike and the X-Box 360. Something I'd been pussyfooting around getting since launch.

We do ok but I can't let go of $500 on a game machine like that. Not without huge torrents of guilt over the starving children that I'm literally taking food away from. I blame Catholicism and Sally Struthers. But if my wife does it for me, well, then it's all good in the hood.

I got her a painting of a naked lady by a local artist. I think it's a square deal.

So, the material needs were met and overindulged, but we actually had a decent x-mas as a family. Partially thanks to the Godzilla effect. Where the disparate nations of the US and Japan come together to battle a rampaging mutant lizard. The mutant lizard in this case was my extended family who arrived like a thrashing tail through my house. Replete with forced violin recital and snipey comments about gifts not being good enough. Thank Christ for Captain Morgan.

I got a few days off between x-mas and NYE which I used to whiddle down the unscreened DVD pile. Jackass Number 2 is exactly as great as it's predecessor. It almost made me splorch. Way2Go!

The Black Dahlia, which was basically given one big critical shrug upon release, was very good. I'm a fan of Ellroy and I thought Depalma served him well while still working his own thematic weirdness out. How great is Mia Kirshner in that flick? Pretty heartbreaking. BTW: Scarlett Johansson is hot.

Veronica Mars: Season 1

2006-12-22T06:38:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: Alright, I'm going to try and run through the entire season in one post. I watched it all in a about a week, so naturally, some of it runs together. When I do Season 2, I'll try to plot out an ep-by-ep course of posting. I know you'll be hanging on every word.

Wow. Given the premise on paper, Teenage Girl Sleuth Solves Crimes While Navigating The Harsh Social Waters of High School, this shit should have been like Kryptonite to me. I have nothing against chicks in leading roles (nor, in general)...it's just that genre bending is a tricky thing and rarely works over the course of a series. WRONG.

Series creator Rob Thomas has crafted a perfect mash-up of Teen Soap and Toughguy Noir. And really, screw those Nancy Drew comparisons...Veronica Mars (yes, you must only refer to this character by her full name) is more Phillip Marlowe than Nancy Drew. She's a tough-minded cynic with a barb-wired heart. There's always a soft, nougat-y moral center to the toughguy PI, and it's this that ensnares them in a web of shit. Also, sublimely fleshing out Veronica's world of Neptune is a hazy moral ambiguity of the world around her. I was really blown away with the character trajectory given to "psychotic jackass" Logan Echolls. The way his relationship with Veronica Mars kaleidiscopes is just plain old good writin'.

Oh and his dad is played by Perseus. Another reason to love.

A write-up on Veronica Mars is incomplete without gushing adulation of Enrico Colantoni (Mathesar in Galaxy Quest, nerds!) as Veronica's dad, Keith Mars. His relationship to his daughter is the heart and soul of the show. And Colantoni has this great sense of bemusement.

Season one tracks two big mysteries over it's course. The murder of Lilly Kane and Veronica's own drugging and rape at a party. There are tons of little strands spawned from both that are entertaininly addressed. I will say that I knew who the killer was from his very first appearance. And not one of the many red-herrings they tried to throw at the audience stuck. But, for me, the fun in these mysteries is the how and the why...not the who (they made a board game for that). Watching Veronica (Mars) solve and stumble over clues leading to the big reveal was great fun regarless of the lack of shock.

Bringing me to the lovely and talented Kristen Bell as Veronica Mars. This show would be nothing without her. I could not see anyone else in the role. She plays Veronica world-wise and savvy...but with a believeable of all the self-consciousness a 17 year old girl posesses. She also sells snark so well. That's a tough thing, too. One thing I admire the creators for is not making her a literal asskicker. Her toughs are all cerebral. Rather than her being an asskicker, she indebts the local motorcycle thug to her to handle the rough stuff. I think the 98-lbs Kung Fu Honey should reside safely in the realm of vamps and space pirates.

So, in short (ha ha)...I loved it. I'll be starting up Season 2 this weekend.

And my Christmas gift to you all: HERE.

SNL: 1975-1976 (Disc 1)

2006-12-21T05:14:00.000-08:00

There's only one sensible way to approach this boxed set; as a history lesson. With that as your MO, it's a fulfilling experience. 'Cause, you know, it isn't really funny at all. But it's fascinating as hell.

The first three episodes on the first disc in this beautiful set show the Saturday Night Live at it's most embryonic stage. It's clumsy, it's urgent, it's immediate...even without watching through a prism of context it still strikes me as bold. The cock-ups are just as interesting as the handful of successes.

George Carlin breaks in the inaugural show. Holy shit, I haven't seen him that young since I looted my parents vinyls hunting down anything that had cuss words. The format of the show seems scattershot. The familiar cold opening is in place with (The Genius) Michael O'Donaghue and Belushi sketch. It's alright. Fuck objectivity this is my blog...I am a Belushi Superfan (I own his THIS) and he was robbed of early superstar status by the more matinee idol looks of Chevy Chase. Belushi had more power in a cocked eyebrow than in a million pratfalls.

The thing is, there's too much Carlin, as we cut to too many awkward performances of his standup. Too much music, with both Billy Preston (rocking it, admittedly) and Janis Ian making me want to self-immolate. Twice each. The Weekend Update is sort of nerve-wracking to watch. Chevy gets lost in a hurry but manages to salvage a couple zingers.

Oh...The Muppets are so unfunny.

Second episode is bizarre. It's basically The Paul Simon Show. There is a funny bit with him playing one-on-one with Connie "The Hawk" Hawkins and proving, not only does he have smooth pipes, but he's a vicious baller. The Not Ready For Primetime Players make one appearance, coming onstage in their Bee costumes and Simon shooing them away saying the Bee sketch last weeke didn't work (true). Chase shows up a few times solo.

The third episodes arrives closer to the familiar format. And finally, some sketches. Bad ones, but hey...there they are. Rob Reiner hosts and, man, he sucks. He's wielding his daddy's vaudeville shotgun. The highlight of the episode is a dance routine by The Lockers, featuring Fred "Rerun" Berry popping and locking his gelatinous ass off. It's the one moment of hilarity. Unintentional though it may be.

Maybe it's having read LIVE FROM NEW YORK (twice!) and BELUSHI...but I do get a sense of the tension among the cast. Of course, that could be all the blow.

Oh Sir...

2006-12-20T04:35:00.000-08:00

Timberlake, you rascal.

My Triumphant Return!!!

2006-12-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

Hi.

My name is Ben and I used to blog here. Before the dark times...

So, due to various work-related shenanigans that I'll detail for $19.95 I have been unable to blog. I return with my armor buffed to a blinding sheen and my sword held mightily aloft. Dig on it, sucks.

What's on the agenda? I got some dvds to wax hysterical about (SNL: Season 1, Veronica Mars!!), some movies seen theatrically, some books (what?), and some tasteful nudes to unveil

Arabian Knight!

2006-10-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

The Departed

2006-10-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

There was no way I could have possibly been more amped for this. I love Infernal Affairs. I think there's God, then Jesus, then Martin Scorsese. Dicaprio, Damon, and Wahlberg are some of the best actors of their generation. William Monahan wrote one of my favorites of last year (Kingdom of Heaven). And I'm unashamed to admit that I am a fan of the old ultraviolence. The Departed met and/or exceeding my towering expectations.

I have no problem admitting it outshines IA on just about every level. The only thing against it was it wasn't released first. Infernal Affairs is a masterful piece of genre filmmaker and not too far afield from the influences of Scorsese. The Departed underscores exactly what Scorsese does with genre. He imbues with it gravitas. The Departed has meaning and heft. The way the deception is layered over all the characters seems far deeper than in the original.

I really regret having seen IA before this because the end has several stingers that just rocked both audiences I saw it with. I'd love to have been one of them.

This is easily my number 2 film of the year so far (after United 93).

Birfday Loot: The Office

2006-10-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

From my boss.

Birfday Loot: Part 2

2006-10-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

More frankenscence, more myrrh:

"For Your Familys Sake"

2006-10-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

The new Republican slogan.

Saw this giant, fuck-off yellow billboard on the way home last night. PIcture of a matronly old lady (replete with apron), huge text reads:

VOTE REPUBLICAN

For Your Familys Sake

Then I noticed wavy stink lines of desperation all around it.

Birfday Loot

2006-10-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

Already rollin' in.

t-shirts:

Not sure what's going on behind ol Zoddy.

Good thing they put his name there.

LOVE the tin can Iron Man.

Fine art.

2006-10-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

No One Wants To Play Sega With Harrison Ford

DVD Tuesday

2006-09-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Titans, GO!

2006-09-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

I started Season 2 with the kiddos last night. First episode had Starfire being flung 20 years into the future. Of course, the future always sucks. Cyborg has to stay connected to a generator, Raven is a prisoner of hallucinations, Beast Boy is fat, bald, and caged in a freak show. Robin is no longer. As is Starfire getting smacked around by Warp. A dark shadow flies into action. WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? Money Shot: NIGHTWING. Actually looking cooler than in any other incarnation. All in all a fun little time travel episode and a little bit more dire than the usual; light-hearted tone of the show.

Unwholesome.

2006-09-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

MARVEL ZOMBIES. Got it yesterday. The undead version of Captain America is particularly unnerving. Fun read, too.

"I want more LIFE, fucker."

2006-09-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite films of all time. I decided to drop the 12 bones on this to tide me over until the DVD Maestros deliver the uber-set in 07. I bought the old dvd way back when and thought it to be defective. I returned it. Saturday night was the first time I've seen BLADE RUNNER on the projector. I love this film.

I went back and perused Ebert's take on the 92 release. I love the guy and completely respect his formidable movie skillz...BUT such a wrong reading of this movie. To The Eeeb, it lacks humanity. I can't fathom how you can watch the "...like tears in the rain." scene and not sense the genuine humanness of Roy Batty.

I always catch something new in this movie. In the scene with Deckard and Rachel, after she's retired Leon, Deckard takes a swig of booze and the blood from his freshly-punched puss spills back into the shot glass. Sort of diffusing in the alcohol.

BREAKING NEWS...

2006-08-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ashlee likes it.

New Blog justifies it's existence. Film at 11:19.

TEST

2006-08-16T12:16:00.000-07:00